If You Were Gay
by Gracie-San
Summary: A parody of the song If You Were Gay from Avenue Q. Two-Bit comes in and tells Pony that it is okay for him to be gay, upsetting Pony in the process.


**Okay, you guys are probably getting tired of stupid songfic oneshots, but I had to do this! As soon as I heard it, I thought of Two-Bit and Pony. I mean, really. They would be the ones to do this. **

Pony stretched out on the couch, and actually liked the fact that he could be alone all day. Apparently, everyone ditched him, but that was fine with him. That meant he could read _Gone with the Wind_ again, only this time without any interruptions. "Finally, I'm all alone." He sighed and he opened the book to the first page.

"Hey, Pony!" The door slammed and Pony closed his eyes and groaned inwardly.

"How are ya, Two-Bit?" he said blandly.

"I'm doing pretty good, but you'll never guess what happened to me on the bus!" Two-Bit said excitedly.

"What?" asked Pony. If he wasn't going to read a story, he could at least hear one, and who would be a better person than to tell it than Two-Bit.

"This guy was smiling and talking to me." Pony raised his eyebrow. That wasn't interesting. "He was being real friendly. And I think he was coming on to me. I think he might've thought I was gay!" Pony just looked at him weirdly. That was the most uninteresting story from Two-Bit. And he never has an uninteresting story.

"Okay. So what's so exciting about that? Why are you telling me this?" he said, seeing no point in the conversation. "I mean, I really don't care about that Two-Bit. Like, seriously."

"Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it, Pony," Two-Bit said patting his shoulder. Pony looked at where Two-Bit touched his shoulder, and then looked at said person.

"I'm not getting defensive, Two-Bit," he said slowly, wondering if Two-Bit was high. This was weird, even for him. "I just don't understand, why you're telling me about some gay guy you met. If you hadn't noticed, I was reading before you came in," he said holding up the book and waving it in front of his friend's face.

"I didn't mean anything by it, man. I just thought it was something we could talk about together."

"Well, I _don't_ want to talk about it," Pony said looking down at his book. "This conversation is now over."

"But, Pony –"

"I said, 'over'!" he yelled. He really didn't want to get onto a topic with gay people. For some reason, the thought just made him feel weird, and he couldn't explain why.

Two-Bit had started moving his mouth again. "Well, okay, but Pony just so you know…"

_**Two-Bit:  
If you were gay  
That'd be okay  
I mean, 'cause hey, I'd like you anyway  
Because you see, if it were me  
I would feel free to say that I was gay  
But I'm not gay**._

Pony looked at him and said, "Two-Bit! Do you see I'm trying to read! And besides, you don't mind if your business is out in the open anyways, so I can imagine you going up to people telling them you're gay."

_**Two-Bit:  
If you were queer**_

Pony sighed again, only this time frustrated.

_**Two-Bit:  
I'd still be here**_

"Two-Bit, I'm trying to read. Shut up!"

_**Two-Bit:  
Year after year, because you're dear to me**_

"C'mon! Quit!"

_**Two-Bit:  
And I know, that you would accept me, too**_

"I would? 'Cause I know I'm not accepting you right now!"

_**Two-Bit:  
**__**If I told you today, "Hey! Guess what? I'm gay.  
**__**But I'm not gay. **_

Pony started reading lines out of the book to drown Two-Bit's singing out. "Oh, fiddle dee dee," he started reading but Two-Bit just kept on going.

_**Two-Bit:  
So what should it matter to me  
What you do in guys with bed?**_

"Okay, that was just sick and wrong!" Pony said jumping up from the couch.

"No, it's not!" yelled Two-Bit. He got up on the coffee table.

_**Two-Bit:  
**__**If you were gay, I'd shout hooray!**_

"Ok, I am officially not listening to you anymore!"

_**Two-Bit:  
**__**And here I'd stay**_

"La la la!" Pony song to an unknown beat.

_**Two-Bit:  
**__**But I wouldn't get in your way**_

"Ugh! Would you shut the hell up?!"

_**Two-Bit:  
**__**You can count on me to always be  
**__**Beside you everyday  
**__**To tell you its okay  
You were just born that way  
And as they say, it's in your DNA**_

"What? It's in my DNA?"

_**Two-Bit:  
You're gay!**_

"I'm not gay!" Pony yelled, exasperated.

"If you were gay," Two-Bit corrected him, cheerily.

Pony just stared at him for a few moments calmly. Then out of nowhere threw his book at his friend and yelled, "I'm kicking you out!" Pony walked over to the table and grabbed on Two-Bit's sleeve and got him off the coffee table.

"Man, what? C'mon! I was just playing! Pony! Lighten up!" Two-Bit latched onto the door frame and Pony kicked his rear, and he fell out onto the porch. Pony latched the screen door quickly so he wouldn't be able to get back in.

"Look Two-Bit, you ain't gotta go home, but you need to get the hell out my house!" he said through the screen.

"Fine, I'm gonna tell Soda," Two-Bit muttered bitterly.

"What did you say?" Pony asked.

"Nothing." They both stared at each other through the screen for a moment Pony started waving.

"You can leave now," he said still waving and smiling. Two-Bit turned and walked down the steps and onto the sidewalk.

"I'm not gay," Pony said to no one in particular.

**Yep. Another stupid song. Did you guys think it was funny? Tell me by R&R. **


End file.
